We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
did you just send me my own nude
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
