What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
