WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
