I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize