Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
