Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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