Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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