there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
