that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They took my balls.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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