this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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