You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
