yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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