why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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