Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
