U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
