i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize