What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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