Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
