Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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