You work out of a Hotel?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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