everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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