if only i could text you this smell
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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