He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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