I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
