i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this just has baby written all over it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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