Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
