It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
