I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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