No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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