I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
