It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
