Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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