Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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