i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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