this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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