It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
