Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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