So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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