After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
