I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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