I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
