He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
