Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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