I don't usually arrange sex via text message
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am mentally ready for anal.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
