I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
