I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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