I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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