.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
