Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
