All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
