drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
