Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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