god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize