is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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