Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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