theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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