Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
