i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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