my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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