I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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