I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
