dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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