sarcasm needs its own font
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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