pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
