i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
