i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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