Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
