I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
