apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
