Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
