You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
