I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
