32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
