There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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