The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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