Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
