We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh god it's open bar.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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