Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
