My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
