There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
