this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
