I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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