my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
