you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
