found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
