shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
