Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize