Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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