he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
