you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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