I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
