i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
