Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have aggressive nipples.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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