The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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