I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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