Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
