I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
