If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
