i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
