remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
