just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
