he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
