come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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