i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
