My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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