Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
