Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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