cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
