corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
