i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
