Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
